Interview with Ursi

• How long have you been working as an escort?
  
  Many moons.
   
  
  
• When and how did you become an escort? What motivated you to start doing it? What was your background before this work?
  
  I used to charge boys in my neighborhood to play 'house'. so in effect, I've been running my own cathouse singlehandedly since I was 5.
  
  They were paying me pretty good, even before my knockers grew this big, so I knew I was onto something....
   
  
  
• Do you like being an escort? What do you enjoy most in it? What is important and have value for you in it?
  
  I enjoy making men blow off important meetings and mucky muck appointments to come and see me, attention whore that I am.
   
  
  
• What don't you like about being an escort?
  
  The cheese, man. The cheese.
   
  
  
• What makes you notable among other providers? What exactly, you believe, you're good at? What makes your service unique? What is your favorite kind of service?
  
  My cheeky ways and oh so sassy mouth. I'm good at being baaaaaaad. What makes my "service unique" is the fact that so many would rather "service" me. And they do it with a smile......
   
  
  
• How do you prefer a client to make an appointment? What information is important for you? Is screening required before the appointment?
  
  I prefer to be contacted via email, because as a scribe, I can profile people better that way.
  
  I like to be contacted with a brief, courtly ( i know that sounds corny, but oh well) introduction. People MUST include their phone numbers initially via email if they want a response. that's the only way I know how to weed out spambots and phishers and stuff.
   
  
  
• What types of clients you deny to meet? Are there any restrictions?
  
  People on power trips, arrogant neurotics, high strung prima donnas, the hygienically challenged, those who want sexual intercourse.
   
  
  
• Do you have regular client assignments? How do you choose whom you wish to see on this basis?
  
  I have my little cul... I mean, fan club.
  
  If the guy has matching socks and likes 420, he's in like flynn. I'll have him drinkin' the kool-aid in no time at all like there's no tomorrow...
   
  
  
• When you visit a client, what kind of environment do you expect a client to provide?
  
  Safe, discreet, mellow. No freakin' surprises.
   
  
  
• Do you have any particular requirements regarding hygiene? What are the guidelines that your client should follow?
  
  Soap and water are our frieeeeends.
  
  A mint never hurt, either.
  
  The only thing funky about you should be your funky *fressssh* moves....
   
  
  
• Describe your common HIV/STD prevention procedures. What kind of tests and how often do you pass? Are the test results available upon request?
  
  I do not do anything that puts me at risk for exposure to booty cooties, so someone's status is a moot point. I do not swap bodily fluids, and I do not see anyone who even has a cold, let alone a visible STD. I get tested every six months for everything under the sun during my bi-yearly pap at the gyno. Clean STD tests are only as good as the day they were taken, so try to remember that, kiddies.....
   
  
  
• What are your rates?
  
  Please email for more info, kay thanks.....
   
  
  
• Are there additional charges for "extras"? If so, what are these?
  
  see above
   
  
  
• What payment options are available? How would you prefer the client to pay?
  
  I like my cabbage under the table.
  
  Just sayin'....
   
  
  
• How would you prefer the money to be given? Please describe step-by-step payment procedure. What guidelines should a client follow to make the payment convenient and risk-free for you.
  
  Many gentlemen are so kind as to offer me the donation at the beginning without saying a word. Silence is the sweetest sound when it comes to that.
   
  
  
• If you accept credit or debit cards, how will charges appear on a credit card statement?
  
  
  N/A
   
  
  
• If a client decided to make you a present, what would you be happy to receive? What is your wish-list (maybe flowers, lingerie, parfume, music albums, books etc.)?
  
  an old fashioned type writer, rare out of print books, daisies, sunflowers, aloe vera plants, manuka honey, goji berries,
  sea monkies, a plane ticket to Berlin, many Euros to spare me the heartache of currency exchange across the pond........
   
  
  
• Do you travel? If so, what does that involve on the client's part?
  
  I would travel with a trusted repeat, for sure.
  
  I must have my own means of spending and mobility.
  
  Wherever we go, we'll have so much fun off the tourist traps, but just remember: you're not the boss of me!
   
  
  
• Do you allow kisses?
  
  If i tell ya, i have to kill ya.
  
  ok, ok, butt kisses are good....
   
  
  
• If a client wants, will you engage in a role play? What kind of?
  
  I will only consider it once I've had a 'standard' session with someone. I do not answer any inquiries about role play over the phone or via email, so they have to see me for a regular good ole fashioned session first. Then we can whip out the navy seals gear, blow up dollies and nitrous oxide! hells ya...
   
  
  
• How do you handle a situation where a client may want to get "wild and crazy"?
  
  
  I'd tell them to chill, and if that didn't work, I'd get "wild and crazy" too... only not in a good way.
   
  
  
• Do you allow the clients to make photos or video recordings? If yes, on what terms?
  
  No pictures, please. However, if someone requests for me to record them, then why the hell not?
   
  
  
• How do you handle first-timers or those who have limited experience with escort services? What are your suggestions to such clients to make your encounter the most enjoyable?
  
  I prefer not to see newbies, their anxiety gives me the heebie jeebies.
  
  Just don't act all nervous, and don't ask questions implying an illegal transaction! Be discreet. Loose lips sink ships. Word!
   
  
  
• Have you ever had experiences with disabled clients? How do you meet their special needs?
  
  I have seen a few disabled people. I like to do kinky things with their crutches......
   
  
  
• What are your feelings about and attitude to participating as an escort in group parties, where several escorts serve several clients?
  
  
  As long as they all know I like my grapes peeled and my fans Spanish or Ottoman, it's all good. Oh, and remember, it's all in the wrist.....(*flick*)
   
  
  
• What is your attitude towards tobacco, alcohol and drugs? Do you drink or smoke yourself? Do you allow the client to do it during your meeting?
  
  I am a fashionably moderate, bohemian decadent who is libertine, but I like to keep my wits about me. I don't mind if my visitors imbibe, as long as they don't get all Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde on me..
   
  
  
• What are the most usual types of "difficult" clients you meet? What would you like to warn them about in advance?
  
  I don't meet "difficult" people, they get weeded out via email or the phone. The guys I've had the good fortune to meet are stellar and they ALL treat me like princess barbie on her Parisian honeymoon. Period.
  
  Otherwise, I'd have to open up a can of telekinetic whoop ass.
   
  
  
• What would happen, if at some point you or the client wished to stop the proceedings? How would you handle the issue of compensation?
  
  Cross that bridge (hopefully NEVER) when I get to it.
  
  then throw the corpse underneath it.
  
  heh-heh....
   
  
  
• What are the things that excite you or appeal to you when on a "date"? What turns you on?
  
  I rather fancy men with red hair, analog MUSICIANS, code programmer nerds, guys who work for themselves or who run tech start-ups, guys who massage my weary bones, tickly mustaches and white soul patches, silver foxes and such
   
  
  
• What are your sexual preferences? What kinds of activity do you enjoy most of all?
  
  I love to 'queen'. I like queening chairs and brown nosers, if you catch my drift, wink-wink, nudge-nudge.....
  
  gotta love the mutual body rubdowns, too!
   
  
  
• What are your turn-offs?
  
  Bossy people, immaturity, new money barbarians ( i mean people who've forgotten their humble roots while they lord it over others, that's all), vengeful nerds, bad breath is an instant deal breaker! Oh ya, and Crocs, those ugly plastic sandals with holes....
   
  
  
• What was your most funny sexual experience?
  
  when I donned a shower cap after a session in front of one of my fave 'visitors', and he busted out laughing saying that I reminded him of his ex wife. if he doesn't call back, I won't be laughing about that.
   
  
  
• What was your most funny escorting experience?
  
  I swear to GOD, thought you'd never ask.... I recently had a meeting at the tubs, and I told the 'visitor' prior to the session that I have long black hair. Well, I get there 5 minutes before prime time, and imagine my shock and horror when this dumpy transgender with long black hair was standing in front of the building at the time of the appointment! I got so mad I almost blew a gasket. The TG must've read my mind, because she asked me if she "should wait inside". I said "yes", and almost kissed her out of sheer gratitude. Sure enough, here comes my dude, and he said that when he saw her, he prayed to god that she wasn't me and almost split. Good times, goddamn it.
   
  
  
• What was your most odd or weird escorting experience?
  
  When I wore biofeedback glasses during a session that a visitor let me wear. that was a stone cold trip!
   
  
  
• Hypothetical situation: your best friend, or your sister, or your daughter tells you that she wants to get into escort business. Would you encourage her to do it?
  
  I wouldn't "encourage" anyone to do this, anymore than I would "encourage" someone to become a nun or a bag lady who talks to pigeons.... it's a strange calling and a difficult path sometimes.. but I may offer some helpful hints from heloise.
   
  
  
• If someone wished to become an escort, how would you recommend they go about it?
  
  Start out working for an incall house or agency FIRST! Learn the basics before going indie to protect yourself from the pitfalls.... don't get high on your own supply. Don't wear white after labor day...you know, common sense.
   
  
  
• What are your hobbies and passions, things you love to do and discuss? Music genres, movies, reading preferences etc.? What other talents do you have?
  
  I am a lover of dreamers and I dream of loving dreamy lovers.
  
  I have a penchant for all things vintage, and time machinery. I love all music that is not soulless or sterile, I am a talented cultivator of ant farms. Hey, did you know that ants milk 'cows' called aphids???
  
  the more you know........
   
  
  
• What are your dreams, future goals and aspirations? Short and long term?
  
  I plan to travel extensively thru Europe. Soon, very, very soon, my pets........
   
  
  
• Anything else to add?
  
  What can I say? I'm a fussy hussy.. and a dandy demimondaine.
   
  
  

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