Sipping Vodka

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done..
The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12..
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the sh## out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.
12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's
not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Hi Ebony,

thank you, not bad, I like it!
I have cut it and copied into emails which I have sent to some friends.
Meanwhile one friend has replied and started a discussion about the big tolerance among the different branches of Christian religion. He is Danish and alluded to a kind of "cartoon" published in a Danish newspaper a couple of years ago (Mohamed at the gate to heaven). Furthermore he lived a that time in Indonesia.

I hope nobody will ever come up with jokes like this based on Islam and Koran.

Thanks again
Toni

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Of course, I believe this!
I like it very much and I am a Christian.

Toni

Hi... That was a great joke... Thanks a lot for makin me laugh.. And after all the laughter and rolling on the floor (I really did..) is over and when everyone is thinking about the points in the statement quite seriously, we should talk about the drawbacks/disadvantages of alcohol... :)

Have fun!

Excellent humor, Alexa! Bravo!