My perception of perception
My perception of perception.
I have realized something lately. Well, not really lately, it's something I've always known, but I realized what I know, you could say. Or thought about the fact that I know it. I realized that nobody really knows me. I'm not saying they don't know my name or what I look like. And of course they THINK they know me. But what they think is their reality. Everyone has their own reality. They think how each person is and in their reality that's how that person is. Everything they think is true, of course, but only to them. Have you ever noticed how reflections look different from different angles? You look in a mirror standing at one angle from it and, at the same time, somebody else is looking in that mirror standing in a different spot and you both look in the mirror, you're going to see different views of what is reflected in the mirror (as in, one person might see one side of the room and another person see's the reflection of the other side of the room). Even though you're both looking at the same 4x6 foot strectch of mirror. In a way, that's how minds work. And maybe everything we see is completely different in the mind of each person. How do we know any differently? It's completely possible that all the physical things around us look completly different to each person, but there would be paralells with everything so we couldn't know. For example, what you might see as the color blue, somebody else might see as a completely different color but we can't tell because we both call it "blue". Not that they "see it differently" as in their thoughts about it are different, but as in the actual color they are seeing is not the same color. In reality, what I just said is most likely 100% true. Which is wierd as hell to think about because it makes me have to realize that what seems so everyday to one person is different to someone else. I had this thought that if people could switch bodies like they do in the movies, that we could see what other people see but that wouldn't even work because it's in the mind and not in the body. So it's one of those things that, at this point in time, there is no way we could actually know for sure. But based on the ways everything in life has ever gone, what I'm saying has to be right. If it wasn't, then it would be the one thing that varied from that at all. But still, we can't directly prove it. I started writing this trying to say that what everyone I have ever meet thinks of me is completely wrong in every way. Nobody has the right to say anything about me or about anybody, because what they are saying, no matter how real it is to them, is wrong. I just got out of a relationship where I spent pretty much every day for a year with the same person and I can honestly say that person does not know who I am whatsoever. Or maybe I am wrong because that is my perception? Right now, I can say there is one person who "knows" who I really am. That's because one night I just decided to be completely myself around this person and see what they think about it. And when I did that, for the first time in my life, this person started seeing me the way I feel I actually am. NOBODY has ever done that before. I've kinda decided to just be me. I admit that I am a fake person who has always hid parts of my personality, but so is everyone else. For some reason I have always felt that the things I should hide about myself are the good things. Well, I realize now that are good things anyway. I've always thought that I was crazy and wierd. I didn't wan't anyone to know how wierd I am so I acted normal and have never really said what was on my mind. But I know now that I'm not wierd, I'm a thinker. And a writer. And, yea, on the rare occasions when I was younger that I would actually say out loud what I thought about in my head, I would get good reactions from "intelligent" people and be misunderstood by "stupid" people. And, no, those are not how I percieved them after I told them whatever I told them, that's how I percieved before that. And I could tell by how smart I thought they were, how they would take things. Smaller minded people might see more intelligent people as stupid becasue they are too stupid to understand anything intelligent. I have always considered myself to be intelligent but if I think about it like that then I realize that their is a possiblity that I'm so stupid that I think I'm smart and all the people I consider to be essentially "stupid" are very intelligent but I'm too stupid to see that and I am just misunderstanding their genius. Of course, alot of people do think I am stupid. These are all people that I have hid my true self from though, because I thought I was so afraid of everyone thinking I was "wierd" that I counterproductively made people think I was wierd. And stupid. And I've realized that I gotta change that. Anything I say or write here is going to be percived in a different way by anyone who might hear or read it and they all are going to think that they understand- but that is the case in everything anybody says. Our langauge, and probaly any language, is not adequate enough to not be misunderstood all the time. Some may think that the human species is very intelligent for creating and using language but I think our human langauges are very inadequate. If there are really aliens out there somewhere who are much more advanced than us, then they would probably have langauges that can always describe exactly what they are trying to say and every other alien understands exactly. But that dosen't happen with our langauges yet, we are just not that advanced. But I hope anybody who might read this gets what I say. All I'm trying to say is everyone's perception is different and but it's real to them. My family has always thought that I'm an anorexic, drug-addict. Which is very far from the truth and I don't see any evidence for them to think that, other than they came to that conclusion but I never showed them who I really am. If you hide, people will assume it's because you've got something to hide. I always thought I had something to hide, but I didn't know what it was I had. This is all MY perception and, who knows, I could be completely wrong because mabye all that is just my reality and that's why it's real to me even though it's not real at all. If anybody wants to tell me their thoughts on this subject, I wanna hear them.
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General Category: None
Current mood: contemplative
Added on: 06/23/08 23:06
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