Let the Music Play ... NOT

Despite the fact that I access the Internet in a completely empty house as opposed to a busy office, I've never been too fond of background music on web sites. Not only because of the load time, but because most web page music is so utterly fucking annoying that I would rather ream my ears out with the tip of a metal coat hanger than listen to it. That said, I don't presume to speak for others, and if you feel from your innermost soul that you absolutely <strong>MUST</strong> have the midi version of "Roxanne" blaring on every page of your web site, at least give your viewers the option of turning it off (<em>and keeping it turned off</em>).

Here are a few other things you might want to keep in mind as well:

The music file of choice for newbies is the MIDI file. MIDI files usually sound like they're coming from one of those cheap keyboards and are very likely to make your site seem it was done by a fourth grader, not an adult service provider. A midi is a file containing instrumental music and take very little space compared to mp3s and other audio files. The size of the midi-files depends on how many instruments are used. A normal midi, maybe three minutes long, doesn't take much more than 30 kilobyte of space, or about six seconds download-time on a normal 56 kbps-modem. The problem with MIDI files is that they can sound different on every computer, but most will sound fine on most computers. If you must have one on your page, here's the polite way to code it in (<em>remove the "." before the word "embed"</em>):

<blockquote>< .embed src="the_name_of_the_midi_file.mid" align="baseline" border="0" controls="smallconsole" autostart="true" loop="true"></blockquote>

A large number of surfers listen to their own music while surfing, so when they hit your page and "Roxanne" starts blaring, it plays over the top of the music they were listening to and makes a God-awful racket, driving them to either stop their music or leave your page instantly. Take a guess as to the choice most people will make. And they likely won't come back, either.

Odds are, your choice of music does nothing to enhance your site, anyway and even if you beat the odds, the majority of people aren't going to have the same taste in music as you. Truth is, the opening bars to "Roxanne" have been known to cause me grasp my head and howl in frustrated agony and it's likely that no matter what tune you choose, you're gonna have that effect on somebody.

Also, believe it or not, there are still folks out there surfing the World Wide Web with nothing more than a 56k modem. I <strong>KNOW</strong>, it's unbelievable, but it's true. Think of them as the Amish of the cyber world. If you have unfettered music bouncing all over your site, their computer, whether they have their volume turned up or not, is still gonna download that file and bring their poor old PC to a grinding halt, if not completely crash their browser. And they won't even know why. If you're gonna abuse somebody, for God's sake give them the option of choosing to be abused (<em>and charge for it, girly!</em>)

Bottom line, it's preferable to give your viewers as much choice as possible on your site. If you really want music to play, offer a "Play Background Music" link for those who want it. If you still want to force it on the visitor, please offer us a way to stop the music.

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