I posted a blog about my depression and a forum post about how depression and lack of exercise can lead to a heart attack and I've taken that information to heart.

Before I was hit by a drunk driver I was a weight lifter and did jazz dancing plus a whole lot of other activites. I weighed 195lbs had a 19 inch neck, 18 inch arms, 32 inch waist and 28 inch thighs, and a 44 inch chest. I had to have my clothes taliored to fit. Since the accident damage my spine I have no longer been able to exercise like I want to and that depressed me so I wouldn't go to the gym or work out. But that has changed.

My AA sponsor is an avid duck hunter and would take me hunting a few times a year. Last year the owner kicked out one of the guys my sponsor shared a blind with and I asked him what it cost to have a seat in the blilnd. He told me and said he didn't expect me to buy the seat he'd take me out with him. Well, I bought the seat and am going duck hunting fairly regularly,now.

The work of carring all my equiptment qand walking out to the blind killed me the 1st three times I went hunting but now I'm able to go out 3 times a week. When I first went out I was having to stopp and rest before I could walk down the chek all the way to the blind. Now, I can walk out to it without getting tired and doing it faster each time. I'm feeling much better and the activity has helped my depression.

I hope to join a gym after the holidays and start working out to stay healthy and active. I'll never get back to where I was but any improvement, is an improvement for the better.

I'm going to see a nuerologist who specializes in nerve damage and hopefully he'll put me in physical thearpy and that will get me into the routine of working out, again.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL.

I suffer from a mental illness, probably mone than one. But the one I have to deal with daily is severe depression.
I was diagnosed as having a mental disorder after I was discharged from the Army. They didn't call it PTSD back then they said I was nuerotic and boderline psychotic, that way they didn't have to pay me compesation for an injury suffed during my service but, when they reccoginized PTSD I was only awarded a 10% disability. Didn't bother me, I was happy to get a 10% rating because it meant $25.00 a month from the VA. I didn't suffer from any thing that I thought hampered me. Goes to show how much I know!
After the military I was "self medicating" drugs and booze. Made no difference to me I thought that I was part of the Hippie culture and I was. Then part of the biker culture and the violence I had experienced in my life only made me more dangerous than I had been before. But I didn't think I had any problems and when I quit using drugs and booze I realized there really wasn't that much wrong with me. I haven't, intentonally hurt any one since I jjoined AA.
My depression didn't even begin after I was hit by a drunk driver and ended up being operated on and out of work for nearly 2 years. It began after I had to have back surgery, which became infected, and caused spinal cord damage.
I was the kind of person who thrived on adventure, excitement and chaos. As many people have said: "If there is every an emergency, you want Paul there." I'm still good in an emergency but I can't do the work any more and that's the problem.
How do you learn to re-idnetify your self after you have llive your life as one person and now an injury causes me to have to search for that person daily. I'm in pain every day and it limits my activity and it pisses me off so, I get depressed and when I'm depressed I isolate.
So, if I'm not posting or on the boards, you know where I am.

First, I want to thank every one who posted congrats on my post about my new grand son. He's doing fine, weights about 18lbs, only four months old but wears 9 month old clothes. The T-Day holidays were hard on him and I ended up paying for it. I had him Friday from about 6 pm till Saturday at 2pm. Sunday I had him from 10am to 5:30pm. Friday and Saturday were hell! He was so tired that all he did was fuss. He was so tired and was in his crib with his eyes closed squalling and rubbing his eyes, drove me crazy. Sunday he was finally rested and was the sweet baby he is. He only squaked a little bit and quited down as soon as I put him in his bouncy chair and placed in front of the sliding glass door so he could look out side and still watch the football game. He really likes to watch football, it's going to be a battle between my son and I to see which team will be his favorite. Raiders or cowboys. I hate the cowboys and I was born in Texas.